MOMENTS ambassador and sex columnist Nadia Bokody shares her top hacks for having wetter, better sex.
Something rarely discussed when it comes to sex for people with vulvas, is lubrication.
There’s an unspoken expectation that, when nookie begins, we’ll be wet and ready to go.
But this is often not the case.
Myriad factors including stress, the birth control pill, antidepressants, menopause, and illness impact our ability to get lubricated. And sex that’s not super lubricated can result in painful micro-tearing (think microscopic tears not visible to the human eye) inside the vagina.
More bad news: micro-tearing doesn’t just hurt, it can also make our vaginas more susceptible to infection.
This is why wetness matters.
That old saying, “the wetter, the better” exists for a reason!
So, given people with vulvas aren’t human waterfalls and shouldn’t be expected to always get lubricated on cue, here are a few of my fave sure-fire tips for getting yourself wet so you can have more comfortable, pleasurable sex...
Hack #1: Slow down
Research suggests most people with vulvas take longer to reach climax during partnered sex than people with penises – around 14 minutes on average (though frankly that sounds way too fast to me). And that’s largely due to the fact we tend to be a bit more in our heads during the act, and consequently require more time to relax.
Feeling relaxed isn’t just preferable either, it’s essential if you want to boost your chances of getting wet and getting off. That’s because of something author and academic Naomi Wolf coined the “brain-vagina-loop”: it’s the connection between our brains and our genitals.
In the same way a stressed mind can cause the neck and shoulder muscles to tense up, feeling pressured or rushed can result in tense vaginal muscles, too. And a tense huh-hah isn’t conducive to lubrication.
In short, the more chilled out your vagina feels, the wetter it’s likely to get.
So instead of jumping straight into penetration (though I’m by no means throwing shade on the humble quickie), try slowing things down every so often, and allowing more time for acts like kissing, caressing and oral – all of which have been shown through research to improve a woman’s likelihood of reaching climax (and, incidentally, getting wet).
Hack #2: Choose condoms carefully
Switching to lubricated condoms is a great way to up your wetness game and have safer penetrative sex.
If a condom gets dry during sex, it’s more likely to slip off via friction, putting you at increased risk of STIs. Not to mention, sex with a dry condom doesn’t feel good for anyone involved. Which is why lubricated condoms are top tier.
Do keep in mind though, even lubricated condoms can dry out when exposed to air for too long, so if you take a break at any point during penetration, reach for a freshie to keep things slippery.
MOMENTS new Ultra Thin condoms come extra lubricated, so they’re super comfy for vulva owners, whilst also offering maximum thinness to increase sensitivity for the wearer. Everybody wins.
Hack #3: Lube up
One of the most persistent, nonsensical sex myths around, is the idea that reaching for a tube of personal lubricant in the middle of sex is a sign you or your partner have somehow failed.
But if you’ve gotten this far, you hopefully know by now, getting wet doesn’t always come naturally, even when the person with the vulva is mega horny – vaginal dryness is super common.
Personal lubricant should be viewed as a tool in your sexual toolkit, not as an indicator of how much you’re enjoying the sex.
Even if you’re already naturally lubricated, a few drops of water-based lube – which is the best personal lubricant to use with condoms (steer away from oil-based lubes with condoms) can dramatically intensify your pleasure and sensitivity by reducing friction and adding a small burst of coolness to your genitals.
Besides being condom-compatible, water-based personal lubricant is also easy to clean up, most closely resembles your natural lubrication, and goes a long way.
Start by adding a pea-sized amount to both the shaft of your partner’s penis over the condom, and to your clitoris, then add in more as needed.
And don’t worry, there’s no such thing as too much lube! Say it with me now: WETTER IS BETTER.
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