How to communicate in the bedroom, gain confidence and have better sex!

Ladies! We need to talk about YOU and what YOU want in the bedroom. It really is SO important that we take control of our own pleasure and make sure our sexual partner(s) knows what you like.

Why wouldn’t you want to enjoy the sex you are having? Yes, we get it, speaking up and saying what you want can be a bit of a challenge. So, we have made you a guide to help you feel confident about telling your sexual partner what it is you like. 

Let’s start having better sex – yeah?! 

The importance of communicating about sex 

We are pretty confident we don’t need to say this, but just in case. Communicating about what YOU want is so important, so you enjoy any form of sex. Your sexual partner might generally think what they are doing to you is enjoyable. 

If you don’t tell them (or even worse) fake it.

When you start having the right conversations about your sex life, it helps with the following: 

  • Explore your fantasies and what really turns you on 
  • Helps your sexual partner explore their own fantasies (which will turn you on)
  • Builds a deeper connection 
  • Builds your confidence with sexual partners (it gets easier to talk about every time right?) 
  • Learn more about yourself (this is probably number one) 

Apart from that, having a good level of communication also helps make sex safer, can lead you (and your partner) to be more open (literally) and overall leads to better sex and relationships.  

So, when is the right time to have these conversations? 

Communication before having sex 

Of course, having the conversation before you have sex is important. The communication established early helps build on the foundation and will lead to better sex and connection.

How do you bring up the conversation? Or gain the confidence to do so?

Talk about movies or porn you have watch

Have you seen something in your viewing that turns you on? Start off by talking about it and tell your partner why you liked it. This will open up the conversation to be more open and transparent. You will find your partner will be more inclined to open up about what they like too. 

Discuss fun times you have had together

Maybe there was a sexual experience you remember that you would like to do again with your partner? Talk about what you did together. Talk about what you liked and what you could do again. 

Talk about dreams

Have you ever had a sexy dream you want to re-enact? Of course, you have! Tell your partner about it, why you liked it and what you want to try! Nothing will turn them on more than hearing what turns you on. 

Make a bucket list 

Do this together, make a bucket list of sexual experiences you would like to have! Share them and see what you can do together. Of course, you need to do this without judgement, so make a promise to each other before you share it!  

Communication during sex 

One thing you need to remember when it comes to communication during sex – this can come in many ways. Body language, noises, reactions – your partner will tell you what they like based on how they act. Make sure you do the same! 

Using your body to communicate to begin with will help you to slowly open up to talking during sex. 

Do you like dirty talk? Does your partner? Have this conversation in the “before” or “after” sex part. If it is something you want to explore, have the conversation. 

Open up the bedroom to communication during sex. Talk about what you want and what you like while it is unfolding. You can also show your partner what you like as well. Here is what you need to remember: 

  • Listen to what your partner is saying and make sure you communicate what you want
  • Leave your ego at the door – if you are provided feedback, remember it is here to help you (this means you should also give it in a loving way) 
  • Be present and be happy – enjoy it!! It is meant to be fun and enjoyable, leave your work issues outside the bedroom! 

Think, how would you like it if your partner was switched off and not enjoying themselves? Ask yourself “what is it I am not enjoying” and work out how you need to deal with it or communicate it to your partner! 

Communication after having sex

Now, this isn’t like a report card conversation. It is all about being kind, supportive and patient. If there was something you didn’t like during sex, think about how you would want someone to communicate it to you. 

“You know when you did XYZ, I really like it when XYZ”. A simple thing to say. You aren’t saying your partner is bad at sex, you are just saying what you like. 

When you are experiencing constructive criticism, remember, you are both here to enjoy it and we can always learn. You might have had sex a lot of times, but everyone likes different things – don’t forget that. 

Final thoughts 

Life is too short to have bad sex (or sex that doesn’t turn you on), work on ways you can communicate with your partner that feels comfortable to you. 

Remember, it isn’t going to hurt their feelings if you say it in a kind and loving way without judgement. What turns you on will really turn on your partner. 

We are all in this together, we are all here to have sex that blows us away – well hopefully ;). The more you communicate about what you want, the more confidence you will gain. 

The more you know what your partner likes, the more confident you will be about your performance too! 
It really is a win-win! Need condoms to help you out in this journey? Check out our range, we are here to support you!