“Argh – but I don’t know what to do!”
“Penises are kind of scary…”
“What if I hurt him?”
The idea of giving your man mind-blowing pleasure in bed can be daunting. I hear comments like this from women often in my work as a sexologist. They feel nervous, they’re embarrassed to try new things and they feel like they’re holding themselves back in bed.
I get it. I used to feel the same way.
I was never sure if I was ‘getting it right’. If I’m really honest, I actually worried my lovers were comparing me to other people they’d been with and would think I was a bit ridiculous. The sex education most of us got growing up was focused almost entirely on biology and safer sex. It didn’t really prepare us for giving (or receiving) mind-blowing pleasure. It’s not surprising that many of us still want to know more.
Moments Condoms believes every woman should feel empowered and confident around sex.
Sometimes feeling confident in bed just requires us to feel good about ourselves, but sometimes it’s learning practical skills that helps to build that confidence.
Learning practical tips and tricks can help both you – and your lovers – enjoy sex more.
3 secrets to giving a mind-blowing blow job or a great hand job
– Enthusiasm
This is by no means a scientific survey, but when I’ve asked my male friends and lovers what makes the best blow job or hand job for them, the answer I most consistently get is: ‘Enthusiasm. I want to know that my partner is enjoying them self.’ Makes sense right?
– Don’t overthink it.
When you’re overthinking, you’re in your head, you’re feeling anxiety and you’re not really present. He’ll be able to tell and whatever you’re doing at that point won’t feel as good.
– Don’t be afraid to ask
There can be a myth that it’s somehow sexier or superior to not have to communicate during sex. That absolutely isn’t the case. You’ll have the best sex when you can both communicate your needs and desires.
Being able to communicate your desires is sexy. Being confident enough to ask about his desires is sexy. Having mind-blowing sex that you both enjoy because you’ve been able to share what you want and navigate it together is sexy!
Want some really hot techniques?
In my training as a Sexologist, Tantra teacher and Couples Therapist, I learned some of the hottest tips around for giving pleasure to a penis (yep – best class ever!) and I’m sharing them with you.
1. Vary the strokes you’re using – but not too often – there’s a lot more you can do than just straight up and down.
2. Use a combination of your mouth and hands for a super sexy blow job.
3. The area between the anus and the scrotum is known as the perineum and super sensitive – gently massage or stroke that area for added pleasure.
4. The testicles are also sensitive so don’t leave them out. Try using one hand to gentle cup his balls and use the other on the shaft.
5. Using massage oil or lubricant can enhance sensation and allow you to try different strokes.
6. Instead of just moving your hand up and down while giving him a hand job, add a twisting motion with your hand on each stroke up. I promise he’ll love it.
7. Penises can often take more pressure than we think, so don’t be afraid to apply some – just make sure it’s lubricated to avoid chaffing.
8. The area just below the head of the penis, on the underside (known as the frenulum) is highly sensitive. Pay it some extra attention using your thumbs or tongue to take him over the edge.
Be sure to let us know if you and your partner notice a difference when trying these techniques out. Also can read my other blog on Moments Condoms.
Isiah McKimmie is a Couples Therapist and Sexologist. Follow her on Instagram for more expert advice.
