By Sex Coach Cindra Banks
One of the things that makes me sad (and mad) is when a partner has a problem with the other bringing toys into the bedroom. I have had a lot of clients say their partner feels threatened when they introduce a vibe into the mix, saying it challenges their partner, that their partner feels insecure about there being a device in the bedroom (that might do a similar or BETTER job of things).
Toys ENHANCE partnered pleasure, when used and shared in a safe, fun and aligned way. The secret to how to bring these in, in a way your partner enjoys, is to TALK about it first. Yup, I know. A dirty word when it comes to sex. Communication! Yet, talking about bringing a toy in before you actually do it is going to allow your partner to feel safe and comfortable with this new bright addition to your sex life.
Talking points you can use when introducing your fave Moments vibe to your partner:
1. How using a vibe during partnered intimacy makes you feel excited, confident and really wet.
2. How it helps you to climax and takes the pressure off your partner to make you come.
3. How it also takes the pressure off YOU, because you know you have added sensation and pleasure.
4. How fun and playful it is to have a toy involved in your partnered intimacy.
Ask them to how it makes them feel and talk about any uncomfortable feelings that may be coming up for them.
Reassure them that there is nothing wrong with them or the pleasure they are bringing to the table! This is an enhancement not a replacement. You could even show them this blog to put their mind at ease. See, this Sex Coach says it is okay.
At the end of the day, nothing can step in for the connection, the closeness, the vulnerability and the touch of your partner. A new toy is just the icing on the cake!
Once you have opened the initial convo, ask how your partner would feel comfortable with you using the toy in your partnered play to begin with (or vice versa if your amazing partner is bringing their vibe to the bedroom). Discuss when and how you’ll use said toy and what yummy things you can try together!
I like to encourage my clients to have play parties, designated times to try new things without the expectation of them having to work the first time and to take the pressure off the “end” result. Bring your new toy to a play party and work out all the kinks so when you use it in your normal sex life, you can do so with ease, avoiding that awkwardness of trying something for the first time.
Charge up your fave Moments vibe and plan that convo with your partner now!
This piece was written by Sex Coach Cindra Banks. As well as being a sex coach, Cindra currently owns her own podcast 'Lets Get It On'. Available on Spotify and Apple Music. Cindra aims to help open-minded people have fun, playful & easy relationships, through better intimacy & clearer communication. You can find her @cindrabanks on Instagram.